Shrimp Dick Tax Be Warned…..
🦐 ShrimpTax.online: The Official Doctrine on Shrimp Dick Tax
Mission Statement: At ShrimpTax.online, we believe in accountability, transparency, and the fair taxation of undersized crustacean anatomy. The Shrimp Dick Tax (SDT) is not just a fiscal measure—it’s a moral imperative.
📜 Article I: Definition of Shrimp Dick
A “Shrimp Dick” shall be defined as any appendage, attitude, or energy that embodies insecurity, overcompensation, or unjustified arrogance. This includes but is not limited to:
- Loud cars with no mufflers
- Crypto bros with zero empathy
- Podcast hosts who interrupt guests
- Anyone who says “I’m an alpha” unironically
💰 Article II: Tax Brackets
The SDT shall be levied based on severity:
| Shrimpiness Level | Behavior Example | Tax Rate |
|---|---|---|
| Mild | Gym selfies with motivational quotes | 5% |
| Moderate | Mansplaining shrimp biology | 15% |
| Severe | Yelling at waitstaff over cocktail sauce | 30% |
| Catastrophic | Owning a yacht named “Shrimp Slayer” | 50% + public shaming |
🕵️ Article III: Recovery & Enforcement
will deploy the Shrimp Squad, a team of elite auditors trained in:
- Spotting fragile egos in the wild
- Issuing citations via passive-aggressive tweets
- Repossessing shrimp-themed NFTs
🧠 Article IV: Reinvestment
All SDT revenue will be reinvested into:
- Shrimp therapy programs
- Public education on crustacean consent
- Subsidies for emotionally intelligent seafood
